We celebrate both Solstice (Yule) and Christmas around here. Solstice has become our big winter feast; we braise a duck and make mashed potatoes, and once we’re full we read our traditional solstice stories. We read our favorite story from Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes, a book of zesty retellings of ancient myths, and A Coyote Solstice Tale by Thomas King. As an individual, I also take a few quiet moments to calm my mind and think about the winter season deepening and connect with my ancestors before rushing on to the next holiday.

This year, the day after Solstice, we got some sad news. My uncle John died unexpectedly. He was well into his eighties, but generally quite healthy and energetic, so it was still a surprise when he caught a nasty germ that just overwhelmed his body. I come from a family pretty full of drama and bad behavior, and uncle John was always a calming and generous presence in the midst of that. Most of my life we lived thousands of miles away from his home in California, but I have a lot of fond memories of the visits we managed to make over the years.

My grief over this is uncomplicated. He lived a full and happy life and I don’t think he suffered much in the end. When my dad died I was full of frustration and regrets on top of the normal grief, but I feel much more peaceful about John’s passing. It’s added a sad undertone to this year’s Christmas for me, but it didn’t stop us from having a lovely time giving and receiving gifts and enjoying our traditions.

Some of those traditions honor my dad, in fact. The toes of our Christmas stockings are always stuffed with fruit because that’s what his family did, and we always have blueberry muffins because that’s what my dad used to make. As a kid, Christmas was exciting and magical, but also a time of great tension (I mentioned drama and bad behavior already, right?). As an adult, I had to spend some time figuring out what the season means to me and whether I even want to celebrate, and it became a time for purposefully choosing positive traditions and celebrating the light in the darkness. This year, with these bittersweet moments, I’ve been more glad than ever for these little connections and traditions I’ve built up around the holiday.

But now I think I’ve rambled too much. I’m clearly still sorting through some feelings here but I do hope I’ve made some kind of sense. Until next week. -Corvus