Our daughter had some scary encounters with a strange man last week. Scary enough that the police are investigating it as stalking by a possible pedophile. I don’t think I should get into details, even on a blog that no one in my area (and very few people generally) read, but writing things out helps me stay calm and get perspective on things so I wanted to write about some of the bigger issues this event has got me thinking about.

First, it’s got me thinking about all the police controversies again, this time from a whole different angle. I’m so sympathetic to the complaints about police brutality and racism in the criminal justice system. Even before all the protests I was supportive of community programs to help people with addictions and mental health issues so they don’t end up in the hands of the police. But I’m also relieved that the police were there to hear our story and take it seriously. Maybe it’s because we’re white and have a nice house (even if we do look kind of alternative), but they didn’t know any of that when I called them and it’s hard to be cynical about people who are working to help you.

Any time you deal with huge systems like hospitals or police forces, things get complicated and feelings get mixed really fast, and this is no exception for me. Whenever your loved ones are in danger, a whole lot of emotions come crashing in, and I’m definitely feeling that. Whoever this guy who harassed my daughter is, he’s just one sick pathetic person against a whole police department and a society that really hates pedophiles. Part of me feels sorry for him. A tiny part of me worries that the police are being more helpful because I’m white and middle class, and feels weirdly guilty for mispronouncing a Latino officer’s last name. (I actually sort of speak Spanish so I really should have known better.) But the rest of me will use every resource I have available to keep him far away from my kid and every other kid if that’s what needs to happen, and I don’t feel guilty at all about that.

Second, like a whole lot of people, I listen to true crime podcasts fairly often. True crime has gone mainstream in the last few years–it seems everyone follows a crime podcast or two these days. For me, it’s more about being interested in history and weird things and rare events than about actually loving the details of awful crimes. I have a high tolerance for the dark side of life and I’m aware that child kidnappers and serial killers are actually really rare, so hearing true murder stories doesn’t scare me all that much. But what happened to my daughter is also pretty rare, and it’s a weird feeling.

It hasn’t turned me off true crime, but it’s made me really appreciate more sensitive podcasts that really focus on explaining the justice system and sharing victims’ stories and trying to understand all sides of a situation. If my or my daughter’s life ended up on a true crime podcast, that’s how I’d want us to be treated.

It’s also made me more aware of a truth of statistics: sure, any one event might be extremely rare, but there are so many rare events that most people will have at least one of them happen in their lifetime. If this is the worst rare event that ever happens to me and my family, I’m probably very lucky indeed.

Once again, I’m sorry to be so vague about the actual incidents. I’m pretty sure we’ll all be safe even though we’ll have to be extra vigilant for the foreseeable future, and the police are actively trying to identify and talk to this person and make sure the neighborhood is safe. Please don’t be worried about us. It’s just that the more I get my thoughts and feelings out, even in this vague way, the fewer panic attacks I have. If things get resolved to the point where I feel it’s okay to tell you details I’ll write an update on what’s going on. I know you’re all just internet strangers but I really appreciate you just for being out there.