There just isn’t anything good to say. Racism sucks, Coronavirus sucks, and on a personal level we’re still on savings for another month at least. I’m struggling with depression for the first time in years. That pales in comparison to world events but it’s true.

When huge events like these happen, my mind starts racing, tracing implications and possible futures. My instinct is to push my emotions to the side and assess the situation logically, looking for workable solutions. Over the years I’ve learned that many people just hate this approach. They just hate it so much. Culturally, the U.S. is full of cowboys and crusaders who want to save the world by shooting bad guys and marching on Washington, and they get pissed off when tinkerers like me want to slow down and think first. I’ve been yelled at and “called out” many times for being too slow and passionless.

I’ve learned that when people ask about Coronavirus, they don’t want to hear that every response will probably hurt someone or that I really don’t know what’s best. They want me to panic with them or complain with them or protest with them. When people ask about BLM they don’t want me to analyze which of their demands seems most workable or calmly consider each side’s point of view. They want me to be for or against, to rage or cry or put my fist through a window. Neither the cowboys nor the crusaders are pleased by my approach to life.

This used to frustrate me, being so misunderstood, but as I get older I realize how many of those marchers are just caught up in the excitement of marching–once the rush is over they forget all about it and move on to the next exciting cause. Once the excitement dies down it’s easier for me to see who’s actually got a solid plan for fixing the problem and who’s really committed to carrying out that plan. Then I commit to supporting that group or person for the long haul.

So I’m going to keep my thoughts to myself and when we have money again I’ll resume my donations to the groups I believe in. Please don’t mistake my slow or quiet nature for a lack of empathy or support for people suffering in difficult and unjust circumstances.