I’ve been listening lately to Quiet Matters with Jo Dymock. I originally found it looking for slow living podcasts a year or two ago. There are only about a dozen episodes, divided into two seasons; Jo Dymock mainly runs a candle business called Ochre and Flax and the podcast is just a small addition to that where she promotes her shop and talks about living more mindfully. I just finished the latest episode and it really resonated with me. Her approach is flexible and gentle and makes mindful living sound possible and even pleasant to achieve.

As much as I love Jo Dymock’s podcast, I’m glad she makes a living at something more concrete. I’ve checked out a lot of blogs and podcasts over the years about slow living, simplifying, mindfulness and such, and I’ve found that the more your livelihood depends on spreading the message, the more the message gets distorted. Professional simplifiers have to churn out a lot of content and make it sound really exciting, and the results often make the simple life sound really complicated. Professional candle sellers might want to sell you the perfect scent to journal by or prepare you for your day, but they won’t make your life more complicated than that.

The latest podcast, as I mentioned, really resonated with me. I’ve had a growing frustration with the way self care is talked about but could never quite figure out why, and Jo put her finger right on it. She said most of what’s sold as self care is really self soothing. There’s nothing wrong with self soothing but self care is a lot more than that. As I understood it, if you’re doing real self care you shouldn’t need so much self soothing. Self care helps you maintain your physical, mental, and spiritual health so you don’t feel as stressed and worn down by life. There’s nothing wrong with self soothing, even a lot, but if you always seem to need more soothing that might be a sign that you’re not getting enough self care.

Self care can sometimes look beautiful and indulgent, like taking a mental health day or getting a pedicure, but just as often it’s getting some exercise, making sure the bills are paid and off your mind, planning a few meals ahead so it’s easy to eat well after a long day, and a dozen other things that don’t look great on Instagram. Good self care probably means taking time to really think about your priorities and find the best use of your time and energy. Ironically, good self care might mean budgeting some time and money for thoughtful self soothing. Lately I’ve been struggling to find balance amid all the various changes and crises of the past few months, and I’ve definitely spent some time self soothing instead of really practicing self care.

Jo Dymock is big on working ritual and intention into your daily life. The way she talks on the podcast, it seems like she’s using mindfulness to make daily work and self care feel more soothing and indulgent, just by being more present and adding small pleasant touches to it. I have no reason to think she believes in magic or anything like that, but to me it feels like a pleasantly witchy way to live. So much of paganism is about ritual and intention and re-enchanting our lives by adding magic to them, either by literally doing spells or metaphorically by connecting more fully with the rhythms of the world around us. I can’t help but notice that my deeper spiritual experience of Samhain came only a few weeks after I started a simple daily spiritual practice. I think I should try her advice and work a little more ritual and intention into other parts of my normal routine. I think along with a deeper spiritual awareness it would help me develop a deeper and richer practice of self care.

I have a few more related thoughts I’ve been kicking around but I think they’ve grown enough to deserve a separate post. I’m sorry this turned into an Ochre and Flax commercial; I’ve never even bought her candles because she’s based in England and I’m a little broke right now. I really wanted to give her credit, though, and pass along her great attitude and advice. If I manage to really work that advice into my life, I’ll tell you how it goes.