As you may have guessed from my first Banned Book Week post, I’m against censorship. I’ve mentioned before that I grew up in a conservative, cult-adjacent church that frowned on sex, swearing, violence, occult themes, lgbtq anything, liberal politics, feminism, etc. Of course, all this “no no no” made me desperately fascinated by all these things.

When I grew up and discovered liberals I found a new kind of censorship–that’s not feminist enough, these aren’t the right pronouns, that’s too colonialist now, I don’t care what the science says because science is racist, this is too capitalist, that’s too libertarian, that’s not environmentally friendly enough. All this “no no no” feels a lot like the cultish crap I grew up with and that makes me desperately fascinated by whatever the thought police want to keep from me.

The most horrific part of all this, to my mind at least, is that all of those people were trying to help. They were trying to save me from ideas and theories that, in their opinions, are evil. My old religious leaders genuinely think that pretending homosexuality doesn’t exist will help their kids lead happier, safer lives. The leaders at my current super liberal church genuinely think that hiding historical racism and shaming Trump voters will create a beautiful inclusive paradise where everyone is woke AF. None of them see much problem with suppressing “dangerous” art and ideas for my own good. 

Since I always feel caught in the middle I don’t talk much politics, but my one core belief is that you can’t save anyone unless you really understand where they’re coming from first. So I’m not just against censorship. I actively seek out “dangerous” art and ideas that challenge my worldview. I also actively enjoy fiction with challenging, unlikable characters and old outdated worldviews (like Victorian colonialism or ancient Greek sexism or even Lovecraft’s obsession with racial purity) because I feel compelled to understand why they are the way they are. For me, understanding has absolutely nothing to do with approving or liking an idea, and I’m insulted that so many people think that just hearing what an incel or a vegan or a paranormal investigator has to say will instantly make me a believer.

I read a lot of classic horror and gothic literature for fun, which means I read a lot of books with varying levels of racist, sexist, colonialist, anti-Catholic, anti-Semitic content, and I’ve been meaning to write a post on how I deal with that. I’ve had trouble bringing my thoughts together and I realize that this is why. For me, all that uncomfortable stuff is part of my fascination. These are real attitudes that had important effects on history all over the world, and I want to understand how those people thought and why, and what lessons might apply to peoples’ current thinking. Sometimes those things make me uncomfortable, but facing and thinking through that discomfort is important to me. Intellectual discomfort is how you grow, and censoring uncomfortable material of any kind denies people that growth opportunity.

Growth hurts sometimes, I understand that. Not everyone wants to suffer through Vathek just to find out that yes, they hate racist orientalism exactly as much as they thought. Some people have trauma and anxiety and just aren’t up for Cormac McCarthy or Anne Rice right now. Some people just really don’t care about any of this and just want to read easy books with likable characters. All of this I get, and I’m a big fan of content warnings* and of giving young readers at school multiple options to choose from. Context matters a lot, and warnings and options allow people control over when and how they engage with challenging art and literature.

I also understand people who don’t want to support living authors they disagree with. If you hate Ted Nugent’s politics or think Roman Polanski should be in jail or get really annoyed that U2 sings about Jesus all the time, by all means don’t watch them or listen to them. Don’t give them your money. I personally don’t care too much about the people behind the art–sometimes I’m curious about biographical elements but the art has to stand on its own–so unless an artist is just the worst human being I’ll still enjoy their books or music, but I understand that some people just can’t separate good art from an asshole artist. That’s okay. It’s even okay to tell all your friends about your opinion and stand outside that person’s book signing with a sign expressing your hate.

But don’t try to hide it altogether. Don’t just sit in your carefully curated bubble and live on scraps of ideas you already like. Don’t stunt your own mental and emotional growth and definitely don’t deny other people the challenges they want and need. Don’t deny me. If you think an idea or work of art is so wrong that no one should give it a moment’s attention, sit down and talk with me about it. After all, I’m very committed to understanding challenging points of view.

*In practice, content warnings and trigger warnings are almost the same, but in my experience the word “trigger” itself puts some people on edge and primes their anxiety. The term “content warning” is more emotionally neutral.